The Tonight Show Air Guitar Battle, or. . . Judge's notes from The Marquis

Yesterday afternoon there was some buzz around the air guitar watercooler that there would be an air guitar battle between Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon and Michael Fassbender, probably best known for his role as Magneto in, well I'm not sure how many X-men movies, because I stopped watching after 9th one, with no intentions of returning until they find a decent Gambit.

We waited for it to air (pun intended) with anticipation, wondering: Will this be another Bradley Cooper level performance? Will America embrace air guitar on late night?  Could this catch on as much as lip sync battle? PLEASE? That would open up some much better career options for a lot of us. Come on Jimmy, don't let us down!

Not 12 hours passed before I was asked what I thought, so for all of you who DIDN'T ask, and for the one person who did, I present to you. . .

AIR GUITAR BATTLE!!: As judged by veteran air guitarist and Air Guitar World Championships #4 finisher, The Marquis.

It appears the format for this battle, is one 30 second round to a song of the competitor's choice.  It seems the winner is determined by the host, who also happens to be a competitor. So far, this smacks of conflict of interest, but let's see what happens:

Jimmy
Song Selection: "The Boys are Back in Town" by Thin Lizzie.  It's a good riff, but even for 30 seconds, it's a very repetitive selection, which means he will have to vary his choreography to make it look fresh and keep the audience engaged.

Wardrobe: Starting the track with top button fastened cues the audience to lean back in their seats, cross their legs and prepare to. . . check their cell phones. *yawn*
For tips on how to rock out in a suit, I refer the reader (and Mr. Fallon) to Mr. Serious  and The Corpairation

The Performance:
0:31- Not enough volume from monitors.  Ouch. We've all been here. Good work making the signal to "air traffic control" so they can make an adjustment on the fly, but when it happens to you on your own show, well. . . that's just inexcusable, Jimmy. -
0:39- Off to a strong start with a powerful upward strum combined with an indifferent facial expression signaling "this is too easy" and "I'm too cool to be here" at the same time. +
0:40- Good use of stage. Rhythm and general fretwork & strumming are on point. +
0:48- I'm starting to get a little bored. Need something fun to make me forget about the repetitive riff. -
0:50- Jimmy breaks the 6th Commandment of Air Guitar. Thou Shalt look at audience, not frets. -
0:55- His air guitar is suddenly and inexplicably much smaller than when he began. Perhaps it has deflated. Shrinkage is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a common problem with beginners. Unfortunately it conveys a lack of confidence that will detract from the rest of your performance. -
1:00- A strong ending will make up for many sins, and leave the audience and judges with the (perhaps mistaken) impression that you did that well the whole time. Also, getting in Fassbenders face a little bit! +

The Score: 5.6 out of 6.0. . . but as all the great lowballing judges say, "It's my highest score of the night so far!"

Michael Fassbender
Song Selection: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne. Quintessential air guitar anthem. Excellent choice, but his edit of it. . . not great.
Wardrobe: Also a little stuffy in the buttoned suitcoat, but unlike Jimmy, he did not let it restrain him completely.

The Performance:
1:17- The Fass puts on his air guitar! Great attention to detail that Bjorn and I both appreciate. +
1:43- The look of dread on Jimmy's face. ++
1:45- Playing the bass line!  Controversial, but legal move. Looks cool, takes up space and exudes confidence. +
1:53- The guitar switch! Good idea, but costs him later +
1:56- Missed the intro pick slide! HUGE part of song -
2:06- Great facial expressions and a power stance. Awesome stage presence ++
2:14- Finds his groove. We're all having fun now.
2:17- Headbanging, it's not just for the long haired. But, I prefer it that way. Should have worn a wig. +/-
2:21- Awkward, very jarring ending --

The Score: 5.8. Winner! 

And. .  then they did some dueling banjos thing, about which I am only going to say: Fassbender's crossed eyes are hilarious, and makes up for the fact that he's not fingerpicking his banjo.

In all, this was a lot of fun to watch, but both of these guys could use a lesson or two from our World Champion Airistotle who, if you're reading Jimmy, is a NYC native and is available for booking. . .